Japanese follows English. 英語の後に日本語が続きます。
A book I've been reading recently* says that uncertainty avoidance is different from risk avoidance. It goes on to say, "Anxiety ..... has no object. Uncertainty has no probability attached to it."
* Cultures and Organizations: Software of the Mind by Geert Hofstede, Gert Jan Hofstede and Michael Minkov
Today, I would like to talk about loneliness from this uncertainty-anxiety perspective because I want to reduce my loneliness.
First, I want to attach a probability to uncertainty about my loneliness as it's easier. The chance that I will end up living by myself is statistically 100% because my husband is five year older than I am and males' life expectancy is shorter than females' one in Japan. It's almost for sure that I'll live not necessarily lonely, but alone for the last ten years of my life.
The next step is to identify what I'm so anxious about. Eating alone? Having no walking buddy? Having no one to talk to? Having no one to kiss? Having no one I drink with? Or dying alone?
Now I realize that I'm scared of having no one understanding or caring for me. Of course, after my husband dies, I'll still have friends who care about me, but they wouldn't understand or care about me as my husband does. At this point, I again realize that it's understandable that they wouldn't understand me as deeply as my husband does because I'm not open to them and don't spend much time with them.
The thing is that I have no energy left for others physically or mentally after using it for myself and husband. But I also know that I will end up lonely if I don't change and that it's too late to start building or deepening friendship after my husband dies. Real friendship takes time. So, what should I do to spend more time and energy for my friends before it's too late?
The answer is simple. I need to be physically and mentally stronger to be more active and open, and listen to and accept others and for that, I have to eat, walk and laugh more. I'm going to get off the train one stop before the destination from today!
今読んでいる本に「不確実を回避することとリスクを回避することは違う」とありました。そして「不安とは何が不安か分からないこと、不確実とはそれが起きる可能性が分からないことをいう」とありました。ナルジマ風に言いますと、不安の根源を数値化、具体化できたら、もうそれは不安ではなく不確実なことになって対処しやすくなる、と言ったような感じでしょうか。
* Cultures and Organizations: Software of the Mind by Geert Hofstede, Gert Jan Hofstede and Michael Minkov
ということで今日のお題は「どうしたら孤独を減らせるか」です。
まず最初に「不確実の数値化」から。うちの旦那は5歳上です。平均寿命からすると、私の晩年10年ほどはほぼ確実に一人暮らしということになります。
次は「私は何を恐れているのか」という問題です。一人の食事？ 一緒に歩く人がいないこと？ 話し相手がいないこと？一緒に飲む人がいないこと？一人で死ぬこと？
ここまで書いて分かりました。自分を分かってくれる人、構ってくれる人がいなくなるのが怖いんです。旦那が死んだって友達はいる。だけど、旦那ぐらい自分を構ってくれるような人はいないし、旦那が死んでから友達を作ろうとしたって遅すぎでしょ。そもそも私、他人にオープンではありません｡｡｡
でも、私がもっとオープンになって、時間とエネルギーを他人に向けたら解決するってことも分かりました。今すぐはちょっと無理かも。自分と旦那で精いっぱい。でもここでまた開眼。もっと強くならなければいけないんですね、私。心も体も！ というわけで、もっと食べて、歩いて、笑います。早速、今日から一駅歩きます！
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