Loneliness - Learning Assertiveness and Compartmentalization 主張しつつ流す

Japanese follows English.　英語の後に日本語が続きます。

I want to tell something to English teachers in Japan. Please teach students not only assertiveness, but also compartmentalization because without it, assertion makes them isolated and excluded.

Japanese culture is based on conformity, i.e., we can and should be the same. The Seventeen Article Constitution issued by Prince Shotoku Taishi in 604 provided that conformity was most important. Tsuyoshi Inukai, a pre-war prime minister, also said, "You would agree with me if we talk" before being killed by military officers in 1932. Conformity is so significant in Japan that we have no word for diversity ("daiba-sity" in Japanese). Tolerance has a translation, kanyo, but it means being lenient, accepting people and not blaming/criticizing others for their faults or failures, different from "tolerance," meaning accepting the existence of opinions you dislike or disagree with.  

Because of such an assumption that everyone can or should be the same, if you are different even in one aspect, you don’t belong there and are excluded. You must pretend to be completely the same or are isolated. You can't partly be different. And I believe that this kind of mentality makes it significantly difficult for Japanese people to learn English because there is a conflict of interest, i.e., the more assertive you are, the more isolated and lonely you are.

This is why I believe that English learners in Japan should learn two things at the same time, i.e., how to be assertive and how to compartmentalize their thinking.

Learning how to be assertive gives us opportunities to realize what we are and the importance of discussing differences with others and is meaningful for us, who usually are only taught to parrot what parents, teachers or superiors say. But on the other hand, the more we think and are assertive, the more often we confront others and the more isolated we are. So, consciously or unconsciously, we choose not to assert ourselves to avoid confronting others (i.e., isolation) or lying to ourselves (i.e., self-hatred) to force us to agree with others. But this increases our loneliness and stops our thinking.

Compartmentalization has helped me a lot letting go different views and values without making any judgments. It gives me time to think and a chance to talk about them in a manner more casual and acceptable to those who've never questioned if their views and values are right. It's not ignoring or giving up, but letting them go and asserting myself when the right time comes. It needs a little patience and tolerance, but works for me and I believe it does for others, too. A zen priest said in a TV program that one way of meditation is to picture in our mind that we put our anxiety on a stone and and throw it into a river to let it go. Compartmentalization may be similar to this zen thinking.

For me, learning English is about not only a language and culture, but also growing, i.e., expansion of my boundaries into diverse values and people, and reducing loneliness because although I don't know why, I don't feel lonely while writing posts for this blog. 

英語の先生で「アサーティブネス（assertiveness；自分を主張すること）」の重要性を教える先生は多いですね。でも一つ言いたいことがあります！ 一緒に「コンパートメンタライゼーション（compartmentalization）」も教えてください。だって「和を貴ぶ」国で主張ばっかしてしたら、仲間外れになって孤立するでしょう。

コンパートメンタライゼーションは、賛成できないことについて「心の箱の中に区分けする」ということ。反対も賛成もせず流すという感じかしら。でもこれって簡単なようで結構難しいのです。自分と違う意見（異物）を一旦取り込まなくちゃいけないので、そのための「忍耐」と「寛容（tolerance）」が必要だからです。無視するのとも、あきらめるのとも違います。とりあえず箱のに中にしまい、言うべき時が来たら主張する。禅の精神と似ている気もします。主張しつつも流す術。日本で孤立することなく主張するには役立つと思うのですがいかがでしょう？　

「日本に英語なんていらない、英語なんて話していると浮くだろう」という方。アサーティブネスとコンパートメンタライゼーションを一緒に学べば、英語文化を習得しつつ、孤立や孤独感も軽減できると思います。是非お試しください。

A Pursuit of Sumo "Do" Spirit Through Tolerance and Commitment 貴乃花の「寛容性（tolerance）」と「コミットメント」

Japanese follows English.　英語の後に日本語が続きます。

Takanohana, one of the greatest yokozuna sumo wrestlers and a stable master, has retired. He's still 46 years old. His stable was dissolved and all his disciples were all transferred to another stable.

Confrontation between Takanohana and the Japan Sumo Association has been an issue since at least at the end of 2017 when one of his disciples, Takanoiwa, was assaulted by another yokozuna Harumafuji, and the stable master filed a report with police. Takanoiwa and Harumafuji both are Mongolians. A group of Mongolian sumo wrestlers were drinking at a bar and another Mongolian yokozuna Hakuho was also there. Some say that the Association couldn't punish Mongolian wrestlers because they are stronger and more popular than Japanese wrestlers who have lost a "hungry" spirit. Might this be a conflict between Japanese and non-Japanese cultures or a recently more prevalent ideological conflict between "winning is everything" culture and "winning is NOT everything" culture? I don't know. 

Since then, the battle between Takanohana and the Association had intensified until Takanohana accepted his demotion by two levels to the lowest level in the directorship of the Association in March 2018. We don't know what happened after that and what triggered his resignation either, but it's easy to imagine that the distance between the two parties grew to the point where Takanohana had to decide to retire.

As I said, we don't know what happened. Their statements contradict each other, so we can't say which is right and which is wrong. But I can't help but think that this is the end of Takanohana's pursuit "do" spirit, which he must have most treasured.

"Do" literally means a way or path, but is used in the terms of many Japanese cultural activities or sports, e.g., judo (柔道), sado (茶道), sumo do (相撲道), aikido (合気道), kendo (剣道), kyudo (弓道), karate do (空手道), shinto ("to" means "do" for shinto, i.e., 神道), etc. This "do" specifically means a way or path to be a master through every day and lifelong practice. Takanohana often said that yokozuna wrestlers are required to be a man of not only strength, but also integrity, dignity and discipline. This is his description of sumo do.

I can't agree more. Every one of us, not only men but also women, has to be such a person and I respect such people. The thing is not everyone can do what they believe should be done. We should learn English. We have to work. We should eat three meals a day. We should have children. We should marry. We should exercise, etc. But not all of us can or want to do that and that is why we are different and unique and we need to be tolerant.

However, the concept of tolerance is not understood in Japan because here, the idea of "showing willingness to allow the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not agree with" can rarely exist. We only agree or disagree with different opinions or behavior, but not with their existence. For example, my parents are discriminatory against Chinese or Korean people. I know they are and there are many other such people. I allow the existence of such an opinion although I disagree with it, but as long as I see them, they think that I agree with the opinion and the only way to let them know I disagree with it is to stop seeing them. In other words, if I choose not to be excluded from my family, their and my values should agree with in every way. A black or white or all or nothing thinking, isn't it?

Speaking of all or nothing, Takanohana's retirement is based on such thinking. If he can't get what he wants 100%, he just gives up on everything. He had no intention of committing himself to making continuous efforts to change the sumo society slowly but steadily through quiet, but every day and lifelong battles by committing himself to always being there.   

I wanted Takanohana to stay in the sumo circle if he really had wanted to change the sumo culture. He had supporters. Now he’s retired and may be able to change the culture from outside, but that's not by what he has been advocating, "do," i.e., quiet, but every day and lifelong practice to master or achieve something by committing ourselves to making continuous effort.

There is a rumor that he may become a politician. Is he going to change the sumo world from outside? I don't know, but to me, it seems that he gave up a pursuit of sumo do.

貴乃花が相撲部屋を解散した。まだ46歳である。2017年終わりの日馬富士事件以来、相撲協会との関係が悪化していたことは知っていたが、どうしてこのような決断に至ったかは部外者には全く分からず、どちらが悪いかも分からない。

ただ、この引退で、貴乃花は、自ら言うところの「相撲道」、日々の努力を一生積み重ねることにより道を究めることをあきらめてしまったのではなかろうか。貴乃花曰く、横綱はただ強いだけでなく、品格と厳格さも必要と言っていた。大賛成である。ただ、みんながみんなそのようにできないのも現実だ。勉強したほうがいい、働くなくてはいけない、1日3食食べるべき、子供を作るべき、結婚するべき、運動するべきと人は言うが、みんなができるわけもなく、そうしたいわけでもない。だから人はそれぞれ違い、だからこそ「寛容性」が求められる。

ただ「寛容性」、日本では正しく理解されていないように思う。英語の「tolerance」は、「賛成ではない意見や行為の存在を認める姿勢を示すこと」とある。「賛成ではない意見や行為を認めること」とは違うのである。存在は認めるが賛成はしていない。例えば、私の両親は中国人や韓国人を差別する。私自身はそういう人がたくさんいるのは知っているし、そういう意見が存在することも認めているが、意見自体を認めているわけではない。ただ、両親はそのことが分からない。分からせるためには絶交するしかない。なぜなら彼らと会い続ける限り、私の価値観と彼らの価値観は寸分違わず一致しなくてはならないからだ。少しでも価値観が違う人は排除するという考えである。黒白つけたがるというか、オール・オア・ナッシングの世界である。

そして、このオール・オア・ナッシングは貴乃花にも当てはまると思う。自分のやりたいことが100％実現できなければ、全部あきらめるという発想。日々静かに、しかし一生かけて戦って相撲界を変えていくという継続的な努力をし続けるという意志（つまりコミットメント）はなかったようだ。   

本当に相撲界を改革したかったのなら引退しないで残ってほしかった。応援している人もいた。今後、外から改革することはできるかもしれないが、それは彼が言い続けていた「相撲道の精神」とは違う気がする。政界に出て、外から変えるのではという噂もあるが、私には、貴乃花自身が相撲道を究めることをあきらめてしまったように思えてならない。

Golden Dewdrop デュランタ

Japanese follows English.　英語の後に日本語が続きます。

Golden dewdrop

In a post about red spider lilies, I wrote that it was easy to imagine how the flower was like when hearing its name in English, but not in Japanese.

I found this beautiful purple flower also in my neighborhood. I like it, particularly its color, but didn't know the name, so looked for it on the Internet and found that it's duranta in Japanese and golden dewdrop or pigeon berry in English. Again, how easy it is to remember its English name but not the Japanese!

The Japanese name of duranta comes from its botanical name of "duranta erecta," which is boring isn't it? I'm sure I will forget the Japanese name, but not the English names.

彼岸花に続いて近所で見つけた綺麗なお花。名前が分からなくてネットで調べたら、デュランタ、英語では golden dewdrop （黄金の露の雫）、pigeon berry （鳩のベリー）ということが分かりました。彼岸花（red spider lily）に続き、英語だと覚えやすいお花です。ちなみにデュランタは学名（duranta erecta）に由来するそう。もっと気の利いた名前だと憶えやすいのにね｡｡｡