Elizabeth Better Watch Her Back.... ご注意あれ、エリザベス！（仮定法現在の練習も兼ねてます）

英語の後に日本語が続きます。

'If you had a gun and two bullets and saw a king cobra and Elizabeth right in front of you, who or which would you shoot first?'

That was the question Bob asked Mari and me. Bob worked in accounting at an American company I used to work for. He was around my age, straightforward yet gentle, and easy to work with—until the day he got very angry and asked us that question.

Elizabeth was secretary to the then CFO. You might think she’s American, but she isn't. She’s Japanese, and went by Elizabeth because of a company rule requiring all Japanese employees to take an English first name, whether they spoke the language or not. The rule aimed to help Japanese staff integrate with English-speaking coworkers. (Luckily—or unluckily!—I didn’t have to adopt one because I joined after the rule was abolished 😁)

Elizabeth was in her 40s, highly energetic, and assertive—unlike most Japanese people. She also stood out because she refused to use honorific forms of the language (such as desu or masu). This omission offended nearly all of her coworkers, leading them to resent her.

But it didn't stop there. She had also made almost all of her English-speaking colleagues her enemies by being too eager to minimize her workload. She ignored emails that she thought were unimportant or from someone she deemed unimportant. If they came to her to ask her to do something, she told them to email her, and then she ignored the email. The only good thing about it was that she treated everyone equally. In a way, I admired her fair attitude and strong will to maintain a work-life balance.

So, I've provided you with all the information you need to answer the question above. What do you think? Here are our answers: 😁

Kei (me): I'd shoot the snake!

Mari:       I'd shoot Elizabeth! 

Bob:        You're both wrong! You should shoot Elizabeth TWICE!! 

Posted on 3/9/2021

Revised on 10/16/2026

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以前勤めていた会社にエリザベスという同僚がいました。エリザベスですが日本人です。外資系の会社で英語を話す話さないに関わらず、全員英語名を付けさせられていたのでエリザベス。CFOの秘書だったのですが癖強すぎ！！

先ずエネルギッシュ。そしてはっきりしている、いやはっきりしすぎ？かつ、敬語も丁寧語も使わないので、ほぼ日本人社員全員を敵に回してました。でもそれだけじゃない！外人も敵に回してたんです。日本人にしては珍しく残業しない主義のエリザベスは、重要ではない（と彼女が思う）メールを全て無視。わざわざ席まで来て何か頼む人には「メールして」と言い、来たメールは無視。でもえこひいきなく「平等に」無視してたので、ある意味、尊敬してました。

そんなある日、同僚のボブ（こちらは本当のアメリカ人）が激怒して私とマリのところにやって来て言いました。

「If you had a gun and two bullets, and saw a king cobra and Elizabeth right in front of you, which would you shoot first?（銃と弾を2発持ってて、目の前にキングコブラとエリザベスがいたらどっちを先に撃つ？）」

私：　I'd shoot the snake!（私は蛇を撃つ！）

マリ：I'd shoot Elizabeth!（私はエリザベス！）

ボブ：You're both wrong! You should shoot Elizabeth TWICE!!

　　　（どちらも間違い。エリザベスを2回撃つべきだよ！！）

ボブ、相当怒ってました。ちなみに上の英語、全部仮定法現在です！！

初稿　3/9/2021

改訂　10/16/2026

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