Beef Jerky at Midnight 真夜中のビーフジャーキー

英語の後に日本語が続きます。

 

On a weekday afternoon, I was in the office talking with a colleague of mine. He loves steak—in particular, grilled beef steak. As always, he was passionately telling me about his favorite steak restaurants. It was nearly 1 p.m. I had many things to do that afternoon, but he kept talking. I glanced at my phone, pretending to check the time, and when I looked up, I was surprised to see a slice of raw beef on his right palm. He said with a broad grin, "This is the best beef I've ever had. You should try this!"

 

The meat had literally appeared out of nowhere. Where had he been holding it? Then, he disappeared. After that, I only recall him coming back shortly after, holding something in his right hand, and saying with a grin again, "Eat this."

It was grilled medium-rare, which made me wonder how he could have cooked it in such a short time, and where. But I wasn't given time to think because he told me again to eat it. He was persistent. Unable to say anything, I just grabbed it and put it into my mouth.

What was I chewing? It was like tasteless beef jerky! I felt his eagerness to hear something good about what he called "the best steak," but I couldn't speak because no matter how many times I chewed it, it didn't get soft. I couldn't swallow it. It was still in my mouth, completely tasteless... I had to keep chewing it over and over again... until I woke up, realizing that I'd been dreaming and chewing on my silicone mouth guard for teeth grinding.

Posted on 8/27/2019

Revised on 10/3/2026

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ある日の午後、ステーキ好きな同僚のK氏が職場で肉を差し出してきました。そして「絶対に食べるべきだ」と言って聞かない｡｡。断ることもできず一切れ口にしたまではいいのですが噛めない！ というか、ビーフジャーキーを固くしたみたいで噛み切れない、飲み込めない、しかも味がない｡｡。仕方なくずっとくちゃくちゃしながら「これ何？ ステーキじゃないじゃん、味のないジャーキーじゃん！！」と叫んたところで目が覚めました。歯ぎしり用のマウスピースを噛んでいました。ウソのような本当の話です。

初稿　8/27/2019

改訂　10/3/2026

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