Loneliness

I had a sense of loneliness for the first time when I was four or five. Looking back, it was very natural for me to feel like this because at that time my mom was severely depressed. She had a difficulty to deal with new environments, which changed almost every year due to my dad’s business.

I felt acutely conscious that I was lonely again when I was a sixth grader. I had gone to four elementary schools. Until I made friends at each school, I had to spend time alone at school and after school. This loneliness changed my life. I became independent and introvert while being very good at pretending to be extrovert, cheerful and funny, because otherwise, I would have to eat lunch by myself or be bullied.

One day, one of my classmates gave me a book “Boujour Tristess” by Francoise Sagan. That was the last day for me to go to the school and I made a farewell speech at the end of classroom hours.

And this book and her other books changed my life, too. They told me that everyone was lonely and that “everyone is born and dies alone.” “Oh, I am not alone!” I said to myself.

I sometimes see people who seem to think that they are not alone or who depend on others (or even drugs!) to fill in emptiness or those who think that the idea that everyone is alone in itself is stupid or negative.

I don’t think so. Everyone is alone and this is a fact. And because of that, we can enjoy being with someone you like or love.