Yaoyorozu No Kami (Eight Million Deities) - Everything Flows

I've been looking for some guidance in life for the last couple of years. I thought I would be able to find one in the teachings of True Pure Land Buddhism because I come from a family of the school, but I wasn't able to. The True Pure Land school teaches that enlightenment can be realized through "tariki" or "other power" but I don't believe in "other power" to attain enlightenment. 

Then, I thought about converting to Zen because the school emphasizes "jiriki" or "own power" to realize enlightenment but not doing so because I came to realize I don't even know if I want to attain enlightenment.  

I attended a Protestant service held at a church nearby but couldn't bring myself to attend another service. I attended a service held at a Buddhist temple (the Tendai school), too and chanted sutras with other participants. Again, I couldn't motivate myself to join another service. I often go to a library, so I looked for books which contain guidance for me but couldn't find one. 

Then, it occurred to me that I might be able to believe in "Yaoyorozu no kami." "Yaoyorozu no kami" literally means "eight million deities" but it actually means an ancient Shinto concept (i.e., Japanese animism) that innumerable gods, deities, and spirits inhabit all things, including nature (e.g., mountains and rivers), phenomena (e.g., thunder), and household items. I always stop to bow in front of a Shinto shrine while taking a walk. Does that mean I (can) believe in this ancient Shinto concept? 

Then I realized something. I do respect Christianity, Islam, Buddhism and any other religions but I don't want to commit to any of them. I also thought I found out why the Japanese language has no word that means "commitment" (and why the term "commitment" has to be translated into Japanese differently depending on the context). 

Japanese people are non-committal, not believing in Absolute Power but believing the idea that "everything changes," as below described at the beginning of "Hojoki (An Account of My Hut)" by Kamo no Chomei, a Japanese author and poet (1153 or 1155-1216). (Source: 英語で読む方丈記) 

日本語 Japanese

ゆく河の流れは絶えずして、
しかも、もとの水にあらず。
淀みに浮かぶうたかたは
かつ消えかつ結びて、
久しくとどまりたるためしなし。
世の中にある人と
栖とまたかくのごとし。

English translation 

The flowing river never stops
and yet the water never stays the same.
Foam floats upon the pools,
scattering, re-forming,
never lingering long.
So it is with man
and all his dwelling places
here on earth.

This non-committal approach well describes Japanese people's belief in change. It also has something in common with the Yaoyorozu no kami concept. People in Japan don't believe in a specific god, deity, or thing (i.e., Absolute Power) but many (innumerable) things surrounding them and a state where everything changes or everything flows, which, instead of denying the presence of Absolute Power, accommodates any absolute powers and aggregate them to create something new through the repetition of "believing in something but letting go."

Because of such a non-committal but generally unconscious mindset among them, Japanese people are often criticized for being non-assertive and evasive. I'm quite assertive for a Japanese woman but love the idea of believing in the presence of eight million deities. It's quite flexible and convenient (ha ha). I can choose one god one day and another the following day. Among others, the idea gives me a sense of belonging. To what? Of course, to everything surrounding myself. 

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