Having Career Decreases Woman's Marriage Chances in Japan? 働く日本女性は結婚できない？

Japanese follows English.　英語の後に日本語が続きます。

The book I've been reading recently answered my long-term question, "Does having careers reduce women's marriage chances"? The answer is "Yes" here in Japan.

The answer came from Cultures and Organizations: Software of the Mind by Geert Hofstede, Gert Jan Hofstede and Michael Minkov. The book is about the results of an analysis of data from IBM employees across 70 countries and other sources. It was first published in 1980, but the content is still fascinating and useful to understand cultural differences between countries.

While reading the book, I found a reference to U.S. anthropologist Margaret Mead in the chapter of "masculinity and femininity," one of the criteria for comparison of the 70 countries. It says as follows:

"In Japan, a woman's marriage chances diminish if she has a career of her own."

According to the IBM data, the top three masculine countries are (or were) Slovakia, Japan and Hungary and the top three feminine countries are Sweden, Norway and Latvia. The book also includes the following another interesting data about Japan in the same chapter.

"In 1993, a Japanese market research agency, Wacoal, asked young working women in eight Asian capital cities for their preferred characteristics of husbands and of steady boyfriends. In the masculine cultures, husbands should be healthy, wealthy, and understanding, while boyfriends should exhibit personality, affection, intelligence, and a sense of humor. In the more feminine cultures, there was hardly any difference between the preferred characteristics of husbands and of boyfriends."

Wow! So, has my theory that women with careers find it more difficult to marry been proven right? And is this because of such double standards in masculine countries? 

The IBM data and Mead's observation about Japan reminded me of the divorce of Takanohana, a former yokozuna sumo wrestler and stable master, and his wife Keiko, a college beauty pageant winner and former TV announcer.

They married 23 years ago. Takanohana was 23 years old and Keiko 31. I remember clearly the day it was reported on TV because I thought it was fishy. I'm not talking about immigration issues. Neither of them needed visas or citizenship, but both had reasons to marry in a hurry.

Takanohana, who had just broken up with an actress Rie Miyazawa, needed a woman who would concentrate on not her but his career as a yokozuna sumo wrestler and stable master, while Keiko, who was working as a TV announcer, but over 30 years old (in Japan women over 25 years old are sometimes compared to Xmas cakes after December 25), must have been looking for the right guy. Wives of stable masters are called okami san, a prestigious position, and the most common way of female TV announcers wrapping up their careers is to marry someone rich and famous, such as famous athletes or TV celebrities.

I remember it clearly also because of my parents' reaction when I said that the marriage was sham. They got mad, saying that I didn't understand anything about marriage. Those days, I wanted to marry, but couldn't find the right guy or force myself to marry someone I wasn't in love with for the sake of getting married. My dad often told me that marriage wasn't about love and if I lived with someone, I would end up loving him some day. The argument got further heated because my mom, usually quiet and evasive about everything, got emotional. I couldn't explain why I felt that the marriage was sham at that time. But now I think I know why because I also found the passage below.

"If we see the boyfriend as the symbol of love and the husband as the symbol of family, this means that in the masculine countries, love and family were more often seen as separate, whereas in the feminine countries, they were expected to coincide. In the feminine countries, the husband was the boyfriend."

So, my family is masculine except for me. And only I expected the boyfriend and the husband to coincide....

In my 20s, I thought about whether love and family were separate and whether a woman's marriage chances decreased if she had her own career. My dad told me that love and family were separate. He didn't say that I couldn't get married if I had my career, but my mom said that women studying law couldn't marry. I changed my major from law to literature based on this suggestion and still regret it.

Takanohana's wife, Keiko, married Takanohana to become the wife of a yokozuna sumo wrestler and stable master, a prestigious and successful career, not Takanohana as a person. Takanohana married her to get a woman who supports his career for free. Now Takanohana retired as a stable master, obviously they no longer need or want to be together as their relationship solely based on the sumo business is over. They've never been friends.

My parents aren't friends, either and that's why they got angry because when I said the sumo wrestler's marriage was sham, they must have felt they were being criticized themselves, although I wasn't criticizing anyone, but was wondering aloud. But I thought at the time and still believe that those marrying to not want to be together with someone, but build careers by marrying him/her, cheat both in career and marriage because love and family aren't separate. Love/family and career are. I was lucky to meet with my husband, who is also my boyfriend.

By the way, I asked my husband a few days ago who I was to him, expecting him to say that I was his girlfriend. He answered, "You are part of me." Um, what's that supposed to mean? I'm going go write about it in another post....

長年抱えていた疑問、「女性は働くと結婚できなくなるのか？」が最近解決されました。 「はい、日本ではできなくなります」です。

答えは、Geert Hofstede 氏、Gert Jan Hofstede 氏、Michael Minkov 氏の共著である「Cultures and Organizations: Software of the Mind」 の中にありました。この本は70か国のIBM職員へのアンケート結果をもとに書かれたもの。出版は1980年と古いですがとっても面白いです。そして、本の中の「男性優位社会とそうでない社会」を比べた結果について書かれている項で、文化人類学者のマーガレット・ミード氏の次のような意見を見つけたんです。

「日本では女性がキャリアを持つと結婚の可能性が減る」

IBMのデータによると、男性優位な国は70か国中、順に、スロバキア、日本、ハンガリー。ちなみに男性優位でない国は順に、スウェーデン、ノルウェー、ラトビアです。

もうひとつ面白いのが次のデータ。

「1993年、日本のワコールがアジア8か国の首都で働く女性に夫と彼氏に求めるものを聞いたところ、男性優位な国では、夫に『健康、経済力、理解力』を求め、彼氏には『個性、愛情、知性、ユーモア』を求めるのに対し、男性優位ではない国では、夫と彼氏に求めるものにほとんど差がない」（注：Narujima 訳；以下同じ）

じゃあ、私が思っていた「働く女性は結婚できなくなる（日本の場合）」っていう説は正しくって、その理由は男性優位社会のダブルスタンダードってこと？

でもこれを読んで実は貴乃花の離婚を思ってしまいました。というのも23年前の結婚報道があった時、両親と口論になったからです。

その時私まだ独身で、でも貴乃花の結婚のこと何か「インチキ臭い」って思ってそう言ったわけです。そしたら両親がえらく怒りまして「お前は結婚のことなど何もわかっていない」とこっぴどく怒られました。いつもはのらりくらりの母もその日はいつになく感情的になっていたのを今でもよく覚えています。

ちなみに Cultures and Organizations: Software of the Mind の中ではこうも言われています。

「彼氏が恋愛の象徴なら夫は家族の象徴なので、男性優位の国の場合、恋愛と結婚は別であることが多いのに対し、男性優位でない国では恋愛と結婚が合致するよう期待される。つまり男性優位でない国では、夫は彼氏でもある」

そっか。つまり「両親は男性中心」で「恋愛と結婚は別」。かたや私は男性中心にはうんざりで「恋愛と結婚は一緒」。だから揉めたんだ｡｡｡

若い頃、恋愛と結婚は一緒か、女が働くと結婚できなくなるのか、ということをよく考えていました。父は恋愛と結婚は別ものと考えるタイプ。働くと結婚できなくなるとまでは言われませんでしたが、母には、法学部の女性は結婚できないと言われ、専攻を変えました。今でも後悔してます。

景子さんは、おかみさんになるために、横綱・親方である貴乃花と結婚したわけであり、貴乃花は相撲業に無料奉仕してくれる女性（宮沢りえさんではなく）を選んだわけだから、親方引退となってしまった今、離婚は当然の結末だと思います。

私の両親も友人という感じではありません。だから、私が貴乃花の結婚をインチキ臭いと言った時、自分達のことを言われたと思ってあんなに怒ったんでしょう。別に非難したわけではなく、疑問を口にしただけだったんですが｡｡。でも結婚相手を通じてキャリアを手に入れようとする人はずるしていると思います。だって恋愛と家族は一緒ですが、恋愛・家族と仕事は別々ですから。

私と旦那は友人です。そう思って先日「私ってあなたの何？」と聞いたら答えが「君は僕の分身」ですって。意味が分からないので別の機会にまた書きます。最後に、Cultures and Organizations: Software of the Mind、ちょっとお高いですがとっても面白いです。比較文化にご興味があるなら是非ご一読されることをお勧めします！