Responsibility of Parents

Before taking college exams, Keiko was told by her mother that she should major in not law, but literature, because women who major in law were not considered feminine, could not marry someone successful and rich and unmarried women could never be happy.

Keiko was more interested in law, but based on her mom’s advice, decided to go between, i.e., she decided to major in sociology. Students in the sociology department were considered more feminine than those of the department of law, but a little less feminine than those of the department of literature. It is difficult to say this is relevant, but according to Keiko’s memory, female students accounted for about a half of the department of literature, while one third of the department of sociology and less than 5% of the department of law of her university.

Keiko finds it stupid now and thinks that she should have chosen to study law. But it is more surprising that the view that women’s happiness depends on their spouses is still prevalent in Japan.  

One of Keiko’s neighbors has a teenage daughter. The husband and wife both speak English and the wife graduated from a university in the States, but they raised their daughter based on the idea that the most important thing for women is to be pretty to get a successful husband. Don't you find it funny?

So, here is a question. Is it worthwhile for a woman to sacrifice or change her academic and/or professional carrier to marry a rich guy?

Keiko firmly believes based on her own experiences that her choice of studying sociology to marry “a rich guy” to be happy was wrong, because she eventually was engaged in law related jobs and married the "right" guy. There is no difference in the definition of happiness or success between man and woman. Happiness depends on our own financial and psychological independence, i.e., whether or not we are able to get what we want on our own. But doing so requires criteria for defining what happiness is for each of us and abilities to achieve such defined happiness.

Keiko believes that one of the most significant duties for parents is to make sure that children have such criteria based on which they can make important decisions and abilities and strength whereby they can fulfill their own happiness.

In short, telling your child to rely on something they cannot change by their effort (e.g., appearance, which of course can be changed by cosmetic surgeries, but this is not discussed here) is absurd and irresponsible. This is an act degrading themselves to a mere item which can be owned and controlled by others.

Keiko has recently been wondering seriously whether or not she should tell this idea to them, because doing so may make the already bad relationship between Keiko and this couple further worse.