Loneliness - Learning Assertiveness and Compartmentalization 主張しつつ流す

Japanese follows English.　英語の後に日本語が続きます。

I want to tell something to English teachers in Japan. Please teach students not only assertiveness, but also compartmentalization because without it, assertion makes them isolated and excluded.

Japanese culture is based on conformity, i.e., we can and should be the same. The Seventeen Article Constitution issued by Prince Shotoku Taishi in 604 provided that conformity was most important. Tsuyoshi Inukai, a pre-war prime minister, also said, "You would agree with me if we talk" before being killed by military officers in 1932. Conformity is so significant in Japan that we have no word for diversity ("daiba-sity" in Japanese). Tolerance has a translation, kanyo, but it means being lenient, accepting people and not blaming/criticizing others for their faults or failures, different from "tolerance," meaning accepting the existence of opinions you dislike or disagree with.  

Because of such an assumption that everyone can or should be the same, if you are different even in one aspect, you don’t belong there and are excluded. You must pretend to be completely the same or are isolated. You can't partly be different. And I believe that this kind of mentality makes it significantly difficult for Japanese people to learn English because there is a conflict of interest, i.e., the more assertive you are, the more isolated and lonely you are.

This is why I believe that English learners in Japan should learn two things at the same time, i.e., how to be assertive and how to compartmentalize their thinking.

Learning how to be assertive gives us opportunities to realize what we are and the importance of discussing differences with others and is meaningful for us, who usually are only taught to parrot what parents, teachers or superiors say. But on the other hand, the more we think and are assertive, the more often we confront others and the more isolated we are. So, consciously or unconsciously, we choose not to assert ourselves to avoid confronting others (i.e., isolation) or lying to ourselves (i.e., self-hatred) to force us to agree with others. But this increases our loneliness and stops our thinking.

Compartmentalization has helped me a lot letting go different views and values without making any judgments. It gives me time to think and a chance to talk about them in a manner more casual and acceptable to those who've never questioned if their views and values are right. It's not ignoring or giving up, but letting them go and asserting myself when the right time comes. It needs a little patience and tolerance, but works for me and I believe it does for others, too. A zen priest said in a TV program that one way of meditation is to picture in our mind that we put our anxiety on a stone and and throw it into a river to let it go. Compartmentalization may be similar to this zen thinking.

For me, learning English is about not only a language and culture, but also growing, i.e., expansion of my boundaries into diverse values and people, and reducing loneliness because although I don't know why, I don't feel lonely while writing posts for this blog. 

英語の先生で「アサーティブネス（assertiveness；自分を主張すること）」の重要性を教える先生は多いですね。でも一つ言いたいことがあります！ 一緒に「コンパートメンタライゼーション（compartmentalization）」も教えてください。だって「和を貴ぶ」国で主張ばっかしてしたら、仲間外れになって孤立するでしょう。

コンパートメンタライゼーションは、賛成できないことについて「心の箱の中に区分けする」ということ。反対も賛成もせず流すという感じかしら。でもこれって簡単なようで結構難しいのです。自分と違う意見（異物）を一旦取り込まなくちゃいけないので、そのための「忍耐」と「寛容（tolerance）」が必要だからです。無視するのとも、あきらめるのとも違います。とりあえず箱のに中にしまい、言うべき時が来たら主張する。禅の精神と似ている気もします。主張しつつも流す術。日本で孤立することなく主張するには役立つと思うのですがいかがでしょう？　

「日本に英語なんていらない、英語なんて話していると浮くだろう」という方。アサーティブネスとコンパートメンタライゼーションを一緒に学べば、英語文化を習得しつつ、孤立や孤独感も軽減できると思います。是非お試しください。