KyotoｰStyle Communication - Make Haste Slowly 京都式コミュニケーション

Japanese follows English.　英語の後に日本語が続きます。

Do you know that Kyoto people's communication is uniquely euphemistic? For example, if you visit their house and some time later are told, "How about another cup of green tea?," it's time for you to leave. They're not asking you if you want a cup of tea, but insinuating that you've stayed too long so that they have to serve another cup of tea. It's a famous description of Kyotoites characteristics and I don't know if it's true (a Kyoto friend of mine says it's a lie!). But it may be true that Kyotoites are indirect and I'd been critical of such their indirectness until recently when a comment, "If you want to die, die alone," triggered a dispute in Japan.

The comment is about the suspect of a stabbing rampage. A man in his 50s, who is said to have been a hikikomori or recluse (i.e., unemployed and withdrawing from society for a long time), killed himself after stabbing two to death and injuring many others. His action is inexcusable, but I found this "die alone" remark unnecessarily direct and harsh and that it may cause unexpected negative effects.

The commenter may have been satisfied with directing his anger toward the incident at anyone on the Internet and forgotten making such a comment. But would he have done the same thing if he had known that a few days later, a father would kill his hikikomori son to prevent him from committing a similar crime?

In increasingly diverse communities, simple and direct communication is essential, but at the same time or because of that, thinking about the implications of what you say before saying it is more important than ever. And that's why, Kyoto, which has been accepting strangers from not only other prefectures in Japan, but also abroad, has had to invent and develop such a unique way of communication that makes a point indirectly to avoid unnecessarily offending others. As the saying "Make haste slowly" goes, this Kyoto style of communication may not be as inefficient as it seems.

Kyotoites say, "How about another cup of tea?," instead of "Leave" to overstaying guests and "Your kids are active," instead of "Have their mouths shut!" to parents of noisy children. What kind of message can and should we give to someone who's been withdrawing from society and having problems with family or neighbors? Honestly I don't know, but before saying something for the sake of reducing your own anger or frustration, just taking time to put yourself in the shoes of those who may hear your message to make your point effectively and without spreading hatred, could be a key to not only better communication, but also reducing loneliness and isolation and ultimately terror in this increasingly divisive world.

川崎登戸殺傷事件の「死にたいなら一人で死ね」発言が問題になりました。言った人の気持ちは分かりますが（賛成はしませんが）、私なら思っても言いません。「思う」ことと「言う」ことは別。「言う」という行為には相手がいることを忘れてはいけません。自分の言ったことが何を引き起こしうるか、それに責任を持てるか、ということを大人は考えなければならないと思います。練馬の息子殺害事件も「一人で死ね」発言がきっかけになってないとは言い切れないのではないでしょうか。

法律で禁止されていること（脅迫とかヘイトスピーチとか）以外、言って「悪い」ことってないです。「言論の自由」ですから。そこは簡単です。でも大切なのは「合法か、違法か」だけではないと思います。「社会をよくするか、住みやすくするか」、そして「自分の言葉」に責任を持てるか、という視点もとても重要だと思います。

京都人の性質を示す有名なエピソードに（真偽はさておき）、帰ってほしい客に「ぶぶづけどうどすか」というのがあります。騒がしい子供の親にも「うるさい」ではなく、「お宅のお子さん元気どすな」と言うそうです。これって「一人で死ね」発言の対極ではないでしょうか。「寛容なる攻撃」とでもいうのでしょうか。よそものを受け入れざるを得なかった京都ならではの、この曖昧な言い方は、相手を徹底的に痛めつけるのを避けるだけではなく、最終的には自分を守ることにもつながるのかもしれません。

分断化の時代、直截かつ率直なコミュニケーションは必須。でもだからこそ、この京都式（？）の「急がば回れ」コミュニケーションが案外、国際摩擦、地域摩擦、ご近所摩擦を解決するカギになるのではないでしょうか。