Like Father/Mother, Like Daughter? 無責任な両親、そして私

Japanese follows English.　英語の後に日本語が続きます。

I've been reading "Seven Mysteries about Monsters of the Showa Era" by Masayasu Hosaka. It's about seven mysteries related to six politicians and military officers who played crucial roles during and/or after the war, e.g., Hideki Tojo and Shigeru Yoshida. While reading the characteristics of military officers mentioned by the author, I was stunned by one of them. That "they (i.e., military officers) never tell what they really think, but always talk about others' opinions" is my parents' most distinctive characteristic.

Don't get me wrong. I love my parents and am grateful to them. But I also remember Dad always referring to a famous politician or journalist when being asked what he thought of something while Mom always avoiding making decisions and making Dad cover for her when making mistakes. I love them, but sadly don't or can't trust them.

We can't see our parents objectively when we are kids and it's sometimes so hard to look at them from a distance that we often miss the opportunity to learn that their weaknesses are actually ours, too. In my case, my parents are evasive and irresponsible. But I'm too. The only difference between them and me is that I am aware of it and have been struggling hard to be a responsible person.

保坂正康氏の「昭和の怪物　七つの謎」を読んでいる。東條英機や吉田茂について書かれた本だが、その中の、昭和陸軍の軍官僚の体質として挙げられている「自らの意見は常に他人の意見をかたり、本音は言わない」という部分を読んで驚いた。両親のことだったからだ。

両親のことは愛している。尊敬してもいる。ただ、意見を聞いても自分の意見は決して言わず、政治家やジャーナリストの受け売りしかしない父、ミスを父に尻ぬぐいしてもらっている恬然としている母を、子供心に私はいつも不思議に思っていた。幼い頃は（いや大人になっても）親のことを客観的に見ることはできないが、それは、自分の弱点から目を背けることにつながる。なぜなら「似てるから」 両親を無責任だと責める私も実はそう。両親と私の唯一の違いは、それを知っているか、そして責任ある大人になろうと必死にあがいているかどうか、ということだけなのだ。