Loneliness - Ohitorisama Enjoy Solitude in Japan 生まれてくるのが早すぎたお一人様

Japanese follows English.　英語の後に日本語が続きます。

We, Japanese, didn't differentiate between loneliness and solitude and, whether the person was lonely or enjoying solitude, had no positive perception for being alone. You can see this in the fact that the translation of loneliness and solitude is the same in Japanese, kodoku. This loneliness-solitude issue was also covered by the Japanese media last month as well. But it's been changing these days. Or so I think.

We've been hearing the term ohitorisama a lot more recently. It generally meant lonely single women and was and still is derogatory. But the connotation has been better and it now means not only lonely unmarried women, but also single females enjoying solitude and they are entitled to a variety of privileges, e.g., hotel discounts. Sachiko, a friend of mine, is very happy about it, but said that she had something she wanted to tell me.

About 20 years ago, she worked at a Japanese bank and was literally alone, i.e., no boyfriend or even friends. She said, looking back, that she had been depressed since her father had got cancer, which made her realize for the first time in her life that she had no prince on a white horse. Sachiko was young and naive. 

In summer, she took a vacation and decided to go to Rebun Island, the most northern place in Japan, by night train to think about her future alone. She liked traveling by train and had read about beautiful summer on the island. On arriving there, she booked a room in a small inn and a bus tour to go around the island. She came back to the inn at around 5 p.m. after enjoying sightseeing.

She started to feel uneasy after the dinner time. As it was a small inn, all guests had to have dinner in a dining room on the first floor. When finishing eating and being about to go back to her room, she was stopped and asked by the owner of the inn, a woman in her 40s or 50s, if everything was okay. It was, said she. But about thirty minutes later, she was asked again the same question by the owner, who, this time, came to her room to bring her a cup of Japanese tea. Sachiko said again everything was fine, but it occurred again that night and again the following morning.

She found out why on the morning of the day she left when saying good bye to the owner seeing her off. The owner said hesitantly, but with a big smile, that she had thought that Sachiko came to the island to kill herself because of a breakup or something! Those days, the concept of ohitorisama didn't exist. Women were not supposed to travel by themselves and even those like Sachiko, who had backpacked through Europe by herself during the sophomore year, weren't exceptions. Sachiko was born too early to enjoy the privileges of ohitorisama.

英語の loneliness と solitude。日本語では両方とも「孤独」と訳されるが意味は違う。loneliness は「寂しい、何か欠けている」ことをいうのに対し、solitude は「一人だが寂しくはない状態」を意味し、否定的なニュアンスはない。昨今「おひとり様」が市民権を得て、一人で行動する女性への偏見は減ったようにも思えるが、「20年前は大変だったのよ」という幸子さん（私の長年の友人）の話を紹介します。

当時、銀行で働いていた幸子さん。夏休みを取ったはいいが彼氏はいない。というより友達自体がほとんどいない状態だった。幸子さんのお父様がガンになり、それがきっかけで幸子さん、ちょっと鬱になり、生まれて初めて「白馬に乗った王子様なんていない」ことにきづいたという。幸子さんも初々しかったのね。

そして、将来について考えるため、夜行列車で礼文島に行くことを決断。島に着いたら早速宿探しし、島内バスツアーも楽しんで宿に帰ってきたのは夕方だった。異変が起きたのはその夜である。夕食を取って部屋に戻ろうとしたら、おかみさんに「大丈夫か」と聞かれ「大丈夫です」と答えたのはいいが、その後もおかみさんがちょいちょい部屋に来ては同じことを聞かれたという。理由が分かったのは帰る日の朝。なんと失恋でもして自殺するのではと思われていたらしい。幸子さん、学生時代に一人でヨーロッパをバックパックで周ったぐらいだから全然そんなたまじゃないんだけどね。生まれてくるのが早すぎたね、幸子さん！