Sarah 沙良ちゃん

Japanese follows English.　英語の後に日本語が続きます。

Sarah is a neighbor and friend of mine. She is eleven years old, loving to play soccer and the piano. We met in the elevator and she wasn't afraid of me, which is unusual these days because children are told by parents not to talk with strangers.

One day Sara seemed strange, a little distracted, so I asked her if everything was okay. She said that it was, but she didn't understand something, i.e., why she'd been scolded by her parents for honestly talking about how she felt. I asked her what had happened. We went down to the first floor of the condominium where there is open space for condo residents and she started to talk.

On the previous weekend, she had participated in a small piano recital hosted by a piano manufacturer for children. She's been practicing the piano for four years and had been asked by her piano teacher if she was interested in and would attend the recital. She said yes. She is full of curiosity for everything and thought that playing the piano before many people might be fun. On stage, she had played a piece beautifully and when being asked about her performance by the emcee, she had proudly said that she'd done great, which she still thinks so even though she wasn't chosen as a top three finalist. But back home, she had been scolded by her parents for making such an embarrassing remark. They had said she should have said that she'd done her best, but not that she'd done great.

They effectively told her that she couldn't be proud of anything she did unless others allowed her to be so, which is pretty general in Japan. In Japan, not only what's right or wrong or good or bad, but also what we like or even how we feel is dictated by society. When being asked how we feel, we aren't actually asked to talk about our views. What we are really asked to do is to respond according to the rules set by the group, organization, community, or others and if we don't follow them, we would be criticized or even ostracized.   

Since I didn't want to criticize the parents of Sarah, who, considering her age, might have difficulty understanding that their parents aren't perfect, I only said that I would have said the same thing if I had been her. But I still wonder if that was the right response and if I should have told her that I disagreed with her parents.

沙良ちゃんはサッカーとピアノが好きな小学5年生。マンションのエレベーターでよく会うのがきっかけでお友達になった。知らない人とは話さないように言われている子供が多いご時世を考えると珍しいことだ。ある日、いつもと様子が違うのでどうしたのか聞いたら両親に叱られたとのこと。マンション1階のオープンスペースで話を聞いてみた。

その前の週、ピアノの発表会があったとのこと。4年も続けていて、先生に参加するか聞かれたので面白そうだなと思い、出ることにし、当日つつがなく演奏を終え、司会の人に感想を聞かれたので「上手く弾けました」と答えたところ、後で両親に叱られたとのこと。どうやら「一生懸命弾きました」はいいけど、「上手く弾けました」はだめらしい。沙良ちゃんは上位3位には選ばれなかったので、それも理由のようだ。

でもこれって「他人に認められない限り、自分のやったことを誇りに思う資格はない」って娘に言ってるっていうこと？日本人あるあるです。善悪、良しあし、時に好き嫌いやどう思うかまで社会に決められてしまう。「どう思いますか」と聞かれているときも、本当は聞かれてなんていない。お決まりのセリフで返さないと居場所をなくす。

親が完璧でないことを理解するには沙良ちゃんはまだ子供だし、親御さんのことを悪く言いたくなかったので、「私が沙良ちゃんだったら同じこと言ったと思うよ」と伝えるにとどめたのだが、それでよかったのか未だに考えてしまう。「私はご両親の言ったことには反対よ」と言った方がよかったのか。答えは出ない。