Reason for Writing in English, My Second Language

Some may wonder why the author of this blog (hereinafter “I”), who is Japanese, writes posts of the blog not in Japanese, but English.

My first post, “Reason to Start Blog - De-Imprinting,” is about how I started to keep a distance from my parents because of the imposition of their values (about, for example, racial discrimination) and the marginalization of me due to my different opinions. But even when writing the post, I thought that the idea described in the post might not be supported by Japanese readers. When I talked with Japanese friends, coworkers and relatives about my relationship with my parents, most of them just said that “it cannot be helped,” meaning that children should do and accept whatever they are told to do by their parents, because parents are parents and otherwise, they would be ostracized by other family members.

My parents (and maybe many Asian people, including Japanese) think, consciously or unconsciously, that parents own children and that it is natural for children to follow parents' values. However, I believe that children are independent of parents after a certain age and because of that, it is inevitable that some children cease to have any relationship but blood one.

I have also other questions regarding family values, e.g., the definition of women's happiness (see "Responsibility of Parents"); the still prevalent patriarchy system in Japan (see "Money May Not Matter to You, but to Me" and "Money Does Not Matter - No.2"); the definition of work (see "Because I Work, I Don't Have to Do Labor Work") and other matters, such as the definition of Mottainai (see "Mottainai - Make it Work or Let it Go").

So, how are these my views considered in your country or culture? Are these minority opinions or wrong opinions or are they supported?

I write posts of this blog in English because I want to know how the majority opinion in Japan is viewed by those of other countries with diverse backgrounds because here in Japan, people with different views from the majority, like me, are often marginalized. I was marginalized during the almost entire childhood for a reason (which I may describe in another post) and no longer want to be marginalized.  

How Can Women SHINE?

There is an ongoing discussion in Japan of how to maximize women’s abilities in workplace while ensuring that they can raise children.

There was also an article on the Internet a few days ago about women who quit jobs to be dedicated homemakers but are now wondering if the decisions were right.

Another interesting thing is that a couple days later, a follow-up article saying that “dedicated homemakers can also ‘SHINE,’” i.e., realize themselves to the full extent, was posted.

It reminds Keiko of Sachiko. Sachiko has recently solved an old problem related to the definition of work. In brief, Sachiko’s mother, who has been a dedicated homemaker through her life, said that she no longer needed to do household chores as she “worked.” “Work” here means writing calligraphy and holding calligraphy classes, to which she has dedicated herself, but which has made no financial contribution to the household.

Keiko believes that the fundamental issue here is the same. They confuse the meaning of two different things, i.e., activities which need to be performed for biological necessities and activities which need to be performed for self-realization.   

Activities which need to be performed for biological necessities, such as doing household chores and earning a certain amount of money which supports one’s life, do not necessarily make them SHINE. They are requisites and that’s it. In other words, hataraku or shigoto in Japanese, when used to refer to these activities (or labor according to Hanna Arendt’s theory) is not supposed to provide the joy of life.

Some perform such labor activities to fulfill their biological necessities and by doing so, may be able to partially or fully realize themselves and feel the joy of life while others perform such activities only for money and may need to find such joy in other sphere.      

So, Keiko believes that if Japanese women want to SHINE or realize themselves, they need to know first what they want. The thing is that what you want is sometimes different from what others want. But convincing others that what you want should be right for others is waste of your time. People can lie to others, but cannot to themselves. If you figure out what you want, you just go ahead and never look back.  

Responsibility of Parents

Before taking college exams, Keiko was told by her mother that she should major in not law, but literature, because women who major in law were not considered feminine, could not marry someone successful and rich and unmarried women could never be happy.

Money Matters - No.2

In Japan, there was a legal system that the eldest son took care of his parents and other family members in exchange for inheriting all property. It is no longer legally provided and under the current law, property is equally divided between all heirs. However, this outdated system still exists and one of the most interesting legacies is that only the eldest son (if a son does not exist, the eldest daughter) and his spouse as well as his unmarried sisters who have never married may be buried in the family grave, but others have to procure their own graves.

Money Matters - No.1

Money doesn’t matter, said Keiko’s parents. They also said that when they got sick they would depend on her.

Work or Labor, or Work and Labor?

Sachiko once argued with her mother about the meaning of “shigoto (meaning work, labor, job, business, etc.).” The argument started as her mother said that Japanese calligraphy she had been doing for many years was “shigoto,” while Sachiko’s father and brother saying it as her hobby. Sachiko disagreed with any of them, but could not explain why. But she understood that her mother was trying to say that "because she worked (i.e., did calligraphy), she didn't have to do labor work (i.e., household chores).” 

This occurred just after the retirement of Sachiko’s father. One of his daily tasks after retirement was morning run. He wanted her to make his breakfast ready when he came home. However, for her, his retirement was her retirement and she had no longer obligations to do household chores, including cooking meals. Father insisted that their pre-marriage tacit agreement said that he would earn money while she would do household chores and that even if he had retired and completed his obligations, she still had her own obligations under the agreement. In other words, although he had earned sufficient money for the two of them to be able to live a comfortable life until they die and by this, his obligations had been fulfilled, her contractual obligations hadn't been fulfilled yet or they would be of nature which requires continued performance until she dies. There was another reason for him to say that calligraphy was her hobby. It didn't make money or money earned (if any) from calligraphy was never spent for household expenses. The breadwinner of the household was always her father. Sachiko's mom worked as a part-time accounting staff member for a few years to financially support the household, but this experience seems to her a bad memory that should be erased. 

Sachiko knew however that calligraphy was more than a hobby to her mom. Sachiko’s father was transferred many times for business reasons. This was good for him who was promoted each time being transferred to a new workplace, it wasn't for her. Transfers or relocations for her almost every year made her always pack and unpack boxes and made her mentally sick. Calligraphy saved her from collapsing.      

 
So, Sachiko didn't deny the value of calligraphy, but as a company employee for more than twenty years, she also felt uncomfortable about being asked by her mother to do calligraphy related errands as if they had been more important than her work. Sachiko also disagreed with her father’s view that only an activity which produces money of over a certain amount is qualified as "shigoto" and such a view made Sachiko wonder what “shigoto” was. So, Sachiko looked up the definition of “shigoto” in Japanese and found the following definition on a certain Japanese website:

‘“Shigoto” is something which is necessary for other people and for which consideration is paid.’

The definition was not incorrect, but something was missing. Then, Sachiko remembered something in “The Human Conditions” by Hannah Arendt. According to Arendt, three activities, i.e., labor, work and action, are equally necessary to a complete human life and are defined as follows (Source: Wikipedia):

-      Labor is human activity directed at meeting biological (and perhaps other) necessities for self-preservation and the reproduction of the species.

-      Work, unlike labor, has a clearly defined beginning and end. It leaves behind a durable object, such as a tool, rather than an object for consumption.

-      The third type of activity, action (which includes both speech and action), is the means by which humans disclose themselves to others, not that action is always consciously guiding such disclosure.

Sachiko applied this Arendt’s theory to her mother’s activities as follows:

Labor     Doing household chores (and the part-time accounting work)
Work     Writing calligraphy
Action    Holding calligraphy classes

Now, Sachiko understands why her mother is so devoted to calligraphy. She wants to have a complete human life! But Sachiko still finds something wrong with her statement that “because I work, I don’t have to do household chores." It means that because she writes calligraphy and holds classes (i.e., work and action), she does not have to do household chores (i.e., labor). Although labor was performed by slaves in Greece, her mother has no slaves and so, she frequently forces Sachiko to perform labor for her to meet her own biological and other necessities as her slave and this irritated Sachiko.  

Sachiko has recovered a sense of peace because she finally solved this long-time question and will be able to say “no” when she is asked by her mom to do her “labor work” next time. Sachiko also wants to tell her father that he should do his labor work, whatever it is, as well as find something which is “work” and/or “action” so that he can live a complete life.

New or Used? 新品？それとも中古？

Japanese follows English.　英語の後に日本語が続きます。

Book
Sachiko’s father used to say that she should read classical books, as they had survived the test of time. Because of this, she prefers old mystery novels to new ones.

Four-Party Relationship 四角関係

Japanese follows English.　英語の後に日本語が続きます。

Question:

I am SA. (I want to use initials for names.) I have a question about my relationship with DT, my boyfriend. DT is a great guy. He is funny, handsome, well-built and sweet. The problem is that he has been seeing other women.

These women (whose initials are MJ and XP) both live in my neighborhood and were my school friends. When we were kids, XP was one of the most popular and influential students. MJ and I both always tried to look like her and competed to seek attention from XP. But overall, we were good friends. Such our relationship changed when DT started seeing me and MJ at around the same time. MJ and I resemble each other. We are average, i.e., we both are not tall, talkative, or gorgeous and among other things, we are related. But there is one thing I want to make clear. My family is the main family while MJ’s is one of many branch families. The class status of my family is higher than that of MJ’s.

What made matters worse was that he started dating XP a few years ago. XP is from a well-off family and has a lot of money to spend for DT. But I know that I'm the only one who really loves DT while MJ and XP don't, but just try to take advantage of DT because he is rich and has power in our town or for whatever reason. I know that DT only loves me, because last time, he came first to my place before going to their places. We played golf, had dinner and laughed and talked a lot. When he was with MJ, she kept complaining and speaking ill of me while XP bought a lot of stuff for him to get his attention. This is not the way someone treats the one they really love, is it? If you love somebody, you have to listen to and accept him. He may make mistakes, but no matter what happens, you have to respect his decisions and accept what he is. DT always puts himself first, but it is okay because he is DT. DT should be allowed to do anything he wants to do because of what he embodies. However, these days, I cannot help being troubled by the feeling that DT doesn't understand that I'm the one for him. What should I do? Or is what I have been doing for him wrong or insufficient?

Answer:

Thank you for your inquiry. In your case, the problem is not MJ, XP or DT, but you, who have maintained such relationship. The feeling you call love for DT is not love but dependence or obsession and you have been avoiding facing up to the reality. DT has been dating three of you for various reasons, with XP for financial reasons and with you and MJ to make you jealous of each other so that he himself is not the target of anger. If I were you, I would be jealous of MJ and XP and angry toward DT and frustrated by such relationship, in particular, by the fact that I would not be able to say or ask DT anything about the relationship. Such relationship is far from being healthy or equal, but dominant/submissive.

Have you ever thought about why you are so attached to DT? Is it because he is funny, handsome or popular? Or maybe you just think that you love him because you are afraid of denying part of your life which has been dedicated to and sacrificed for him. It may be a good time for you to think about your relationship deep down and understand the real nature. Relationship based on not love but financial stability or other aspects can be healthy provided that you are aware of such nature, but otherwise your life may be ruined. I hope that you will take this as a good opportunity to rebuild your life.

Keiko’s comment: Please replace DT, SA, MJ and XP with Donald Trump, Shinzo Abe, Moon Jae-in and Xi Jinping

質問：

SA（匿名）といいます。お伺いしたいのは、恋人のDTについてです。

DTはハンサムで、面白くて、ガッチリしていて優しい、素敵な男性です。ただ、私以外にも恋人がいます。

MJとXPは近所に住んでいる幼馴染です。XPは子供の頃、人気者で、私もMJも彼女の真似をしていました。そういった関係で、喧嘩もしましたが、互いに尊敬していましたし、いい友達でした。

関係がおかしくなったのは、DTがMJと私とほぼ同時期にデートし始めたからです。私たちはよく似ていると言われます。私もMJも並みの人間です。背も高くもなく、おしゃべりでもなく、目立つ方ではありません。そして遠い親戚です。ただ一つだけ言っておきたいのは私の家族が本家で、MJの家族が分家だということです。

もっとおかしくなったのは、DTがXPともデートし始めた数年前からです。XPのうちは裕福で、DTにたくさんお金を使っています。

でも、DTを本当に愛しているのは私だけです。MJもXPもDTのことを愛しているのではなく、彼が金持ちで町の有力者だから利用しようとしているだけです。

DTが愛しているのも私だけです。この前、DTは二人のところに行く前に私に会いに来てくれました。二人でゴルフをし、夕飯を食べ、たくさん笑って話しました。なのにMJは私の愚痴や悪口ばかり言ってましたし、XPはDTの関心を引くために彼に物を買っただけです。そんなのは本当に愛している人への態度ではありません。

本当に愛しているなら、その人の全てを受け入れるべきです。間違ったことをするかもしれません。でも、相手の言うことを聞き、決断を尊重するのが愛する者の義務です。

DTはいつも自分が一番です。でもいいんです。それがDTです。DTはしたいことをするべきです。それがDTなんです。

ただ最近、DTが、わたしの愛だけが純粋で、大切だということを理解していないのではないかという思いに苛まれています。どうすればいいでしょうか。これまでやってきたことは間違っていたのでしょうか、それとも何か足りなかったのでしょうか？

回答：

ご質問ありがとうございます。

あなたの場合ですが、問題はMJさん、XPさん、DTさんではなく、そのような関係を続けてこられたご自身にあるようです。DTさんへの「愛情」なるものは愛ではなく、依存または執着で、あなたは、現実に向き合うことを避けておられるようです。DTさんはいろいろな理由であなたがたお三方とお付き合いしていると思われます。XPさんとは金銭的な理由、そして、MJさんとあなたとは、DTさんが怒りの矛先にならないように、MJさんとあなたを嫉妬させ合うためにだと思われます。私があなたの立場だったら、そんな関係、特にDTさんに何も言えないこと、聞けないことに嫉妬し、苛立つでしょう。こんな関係は健全、平等とはいえず、支配従属的な関係でしかありません。

なぜDTさんにそんなにとらわれているか考えたことはありますか。DTさんが面白いから、ハンサムだから、それとも人気者だからでしょうか。それとも単に、これまでDTさんに捧げてきた人生を否定することが怖いから、愛していると思っているだけではないのでしょうか。

今のご関係をきちんと考え、本質を理解するいい機会だと思います。愛情に基づかない、金銭的な安定等の理由に基づく関係は、それを分かっている限りは健全になりえますが、そうではない場合、ご自身の人生がダメになってしまう可能性があります。あなたご自身の人生を生きられるよう願っております。

圭子からの一言

DT、SA、MJ、XPを、ドナルド　トランプ、安倍晋三、文在寅、習近平に置き換えてください。

Teachers' Responsibilities 教師の責任

Japanese follows English.　英語の後に日本語が続きます。

Sachiko teaches English. She used to work as a translator, but for some reason which was explained in "The Boiling Frog Theory," she had to quit the job she had been doing for nearly 20 years. The problem was that she didn't like to teach because of her memories about a teacher when she was a second grader.

One day, one of her classmates got sick and threw up in the class room. The classroom teacher cleaned the room quietly as if nothing had happened. As children always get sick or injured and recover, it must have been within teacher's job responsibilities. Sachiko finds no problem now, but back then, it was horrible for her. Sachiko hated and still hates to see someone throwing up. And since then, Sachiko had believed that teachers should be responsible for whatever their students did. In Japan, when students cause trouble, such as bullies, their teachers, not their parents, apologize in press conferences.

What are teachers’ responsibilities, especially, when learners are adults? Sachiko asked this herself because she teaches only grown-ups and believed that people would never do what they didn't want to do and so, it was beyond her power to persuade them to learn what they had no will to learn. 

However, her teaching experience has recently changed her. Some students earnestly want to improve their English skills, but just don't know what to do or have little or no confidence in their ability to learn. She can help them about this, i.e., she can share with them methods she has built for herself to improve her own English skills to help them build confidence in themselves. Teachers are not responsible for improving students' academic grades, but assisting them in developing their methods by sharing her experiences and skills. Sachiko has also realized that teaching requires not only creativity and imagination, but also patience and tolerance and therefore is worthwhile. 

Sachiko currently focuses on observing and knowing students to make adjustments to her methods. She now believes that teaching is learning herself.

幸子は今英語を教えている。以前は翻訳をしていたが、いろいろあって（ゆでがえる理論）、20年近くも続けていた翻訳を辞めなければならなくなった。ただ一つ問題があった。教えることが好きではないのだ。理由は彼女が小学2年生の時の思い出にある。

ある日、生徒の一人が病気になり、教室でもどした。担任の教師は何事もなかったように掃除した。子供は病気やけがになるがすぐに治る。今思えば何でもないことだ。しかし当時の幸子には本当に嫌な出来事だった。幸子は今でも、人が吐いているのを見るのが大嫌いだ。

それ以来、幸子は、教師というものは、生徒のやった全てに責任を持たなければならないと考えるようになった。日本では、いじめなどがあると、記者会見では親ではなく教師が謝罪する。教師の責任、特に、生徒が大人の場合の教師の責任とは何だろう。

幸子がこんな疑問を持つのは、人はやりたくないことはしないし、特に大人の生徒にやりたくもないことを学ぶように説得するのは無理だと思っているからだ。

ただ、教えることを始めてから、幸子は少し変わった。生徒の中には英語を上達させたいが方法が分からない、あるいは自分自身の学習能力にただ自信のないだけの生徒がいる。そんな生徒たちに方法を教えること、自信が持てるように手助けすることはできると気付いたのだ。教えるということは、彼らが使えるような方法で、彼女自身が培ってきた方法を伝え、彼ら自身の方法を作り上げることを助けることだ。教えることは生徒の成績に責任を持つことではない。経験や知識を伝えることによって、彼ら自身の成長を助けることだということに気が付いた。創造性や想像力、忍耐や観察力が必要だということも知った。そしてやりがいがあるということにも。

今、彼女は生徒を観察し、知り、生徒が使えるように彼女自身の方法に調整を加えている。教えるということは学ぶことなのだ。

Japanese Translation of "A Pale View of Hills" カズオ・イシグロの「遠い山並みの光」の翻訳

英語の後に日本語が続きます。

I read "A Pale View of Hills" by Kazuo Ishiguro a few years ago. The book was my second Ishiguro's book after "Never Let Me Go." I enjoyed reading the book, in particular, a surprising tone change at the end of the story. The change is subtle, but I found it amazing that only a few words could completely change the view of the story. The passage was as follows:

Tora-san No. 1 - Acceptance 男はつらいよ

Japanese follows English.　英語の後に日本語が続きます。

Keiko has been watching the movie series of "It's tough to be a man (otoko wa tsurai yo)" a lot recently. Forty eight films were released from 1969 to 1995 for this series and Mr. Torajiro Kuruma (the main character called "Tora-san") was and still is one of the most famous and beloved movie characters in Japan. Keiko watches these movies not because she likes them but she wants to know what always irritates her when watching these films.